And I realize how that sounds, really I do. It sounds like I want to be the center of the universe like a bratty toddler, but as a mom, after years of all the focus being on my kids most of the time, I can’t help but want to be a star of my own life every once in a while.
Don’t get me wrong, of course I love my kids and I wouldn’t trade my life for anything in the world. I know that this phase of two kids at home with me is short-lived and will be coming to an end in the fall when Little Miss starts preschool. I get that, but I remember the days before kids when I was working and I would have a success that was recognized by my boss or colleagues. I remember being the leader of my staff and being fun and silly and someone everyone wanted to be around.
And on the days where my hair is a mess, I haven’t bothered with makeup and I have scrubbed all the dishes and folded all the laundry, I wish I were a singer on stage, or a radio DJ, laughing with coworkers, or an author signing books for fans in a Barnes and Noble. Does anyone even remember that I exist on those days?
I was talking to my mom about all this and how I follow certain Instagram accounts, living vicariously through their fun, because I can feel so bogged down by life at times. She told me that she remembers feeling exactly the same way when she was at home with us. We talked about how selfless you end up being while taking care of kids and what a thankless job it can be.
But then my mom put it all in perspective. She said, “But you are the star of their lives. You are the sun.”
And that’s what it’s all about isn’t it? My nails may look like crap, people may only ask me about my kids and rarely about myself, and I may struggle with feelings of isolation as a stay-at-home mom, but for those two little people, I am the sun.
My kids need me and they think that I am awesome. Little Miss told me the other day that she loves my voice. She always tells me I am the best. Mr. Man looks at me with eyes that melt my heart because they are so full of love, and it’s my cuddles that make everything better for him. A mom is everything to her kids. She is the whole world.
What I need to remember is that, I have my whole life to get attention for my career, my talents or whatever other things I do. While I miss being the star out in the world with other people, if I had to choose, I would pick being the sun for my kids any day. Shining on them and helping them grow is a million times more rewarding than any applause for being a star.