There was a big sale at Toys R Us and so we decided to believe the doctor and buy some super cheap, adorable bedding covered in pink, lime green and turquoise flowers. We even bought a decorative letter C for the baby’s room since we had decided to use the name Calla. We even told Little Miss she was going to have a sister.
As my 20-week ultrasound approached, I started to get nervous. I felt like my belly looked different than it had with Little Miss and I was unrealistically anxious about seeing the baby on that little screen. Looking back, I think in my heart I knew that it wasn’t a little girl that I had cooking in there.
Within minutes of the start of my ultrasound, it became very obvious that the doctor’s 15% uncertainty was with good reason. The grey fuzzy baby on the screen was very much a boy, and you know what the horrible thing is? I was disappointed. In a way, it felt like I had lost the little girl I thought I was having.
I was so mad at the doctor for telling us early and when I mentioned that I was upset he said, very flippantly that he had been 15% correct, as if it was really no big deal. But it was a big deal! Finding out the sex of your child should be exciting and after spending a month believing one thing, it was difficult to wrap my mind around another. I was sure if I had known I was having a boy all along my feelings would have been different, but as I left the ultrasound place, I wasn’t so sure how to feel.
As my pregnancy went on, I got used to the idea of having a boy. I bought adorable clothes, we painted the room turquoise to match the jungle themed bedding we had picked out. All the while I still had a nagging question in my mind, how would I parent a boy when all I knew was having a daughter?
And then Mr. Man was born. When they put him on my belly, all slimy and pink, I couldn’t help crying. When Little Miss was born, I didn’t cry when I saw her because I was just so excited to finally meet her. Seeing Mr. Man for the first time was different because I realized how much time I had wasted worrying if I could love him enough, if I could parent a boy, how he would change our lives, and when he was finally here I just got it.
I hadn’t gotten to know him while he was in my belly the same way I had with Little Miss. Don’t get me wrong, I loved being pregnant and I was connected to what was going on with him, his movements and hiccups, but I felt 100% bonded to Little Miss when I was pregnant. With Mr. Man, I was just too busy to feel the same way.
So here we are, nearly 17 months later and I can’t even begin to imagine what our lives would be like if that first ultrasound had been correct. I feel so blessed to have a son and I can’t figure out why I would ever have wanted two girls.
Mr. Man is tough. He climbs on everything. He runs everywhere. He dumps out bins of toys and throws things with amazing force. He is also a little lover boy. He cries and needs comforting if he falls. He climbs into my lap and buries his face in my neck. He wants hugs and he gives kisses. He is the perfect blend of all boy and sensitive sweetheart.
Parenting a son is no different than parenting a daughter. You do what you need to do and you figure everything out as you go along. And as for all the girly stuff in our house I thought I wouldn’t get to reuse? If Mr. Man wants to wear a tiara, I help him put it on. It’s no different than the way I used to buy Hot Wheels cars for Little Miss every time we went to the grocery store. They’re just kids, boys or girls, and I am continually learning how to be their mom.
It’s hard to imagine how your family will be when you are in the early stages. You may want just one child or a whole little league team. Sometimes it’s easy to start a family and other times you have to go to great measures to fill your house with little ones, but there are always surprises along the way. No two families are the same and my family may not look the way I thought it would, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.