Every once in a while, your kid’s behavior gets you to say something so ridiculous that out of context, someone might suggest you head off to get an MRI.
I’ve been collecting these insane sentences and here are the top ten illogical phrases that have come out of my mouth of late.
1. Don’t eat the dirt pile.
This makes no sense, but it’s number one on the list since it’s pretty obvious that one would say this to a child… or a dog.
2. Are you hugging your bowling pin?
When would anyone ever say this? When your one-year-old son is hugging his Melissa and Doug plush, monster-shaped, bowling pin from a set he got for his birthday of course.
3. Eat some of your pizza then you can have more peas.
I have weird kids. Peas are the best food you can give them. They eat them for snack and with most meals. I bribe them with peas to finish even the yummiest foods like pizza. Peas= crack, candy and everything good.
4. I had to save you from the lamp.
My mom said this one when Little Miss asked her why she was in “her dream house.” Little Miss had some how twisted a table top around and around wrapping herself like a burrito in lamp cord and ended up pinned between the table and the wall. She said nothing until she was discovered. We all tried not to laugh.
5. Do not break the Emmy!
We went on a tour of my brother-in-law’s office at a TV station and all took pictures holding an Emmy. You know how it is, kids can be rough, and those pointy wings seem fragile.
6. We don’t have time for a wedding. We are going to dinner.
Kids always want to get married at the most inopportune times.
7. Your bagel is on the other side of that horse.
My kids can never find anything, but this was a particularly confusing breakfast. It was a toy, by the way.
8. I think you should put the eggs back in the sock.
A perfect example of why we should never buy our children anything. Little Miss decided to play with one of my mother’s socks and a handful of small, decorative Easter eggs rather than all the toys lying around the room. One day I’m selling them all at a garage sale. No one would notice.
9. You can’t have a movie. You just got a barbecue!
My kids have a bad case of the gimmies. I buy them a toy barbecue set and they demand a Redbox DVD on the way out of the store. Not going to happen.
10. Oh, we are going to look so cool at Sesame Place!
Said no one ever, except I did. We got a new wagon to tote the kids in. College-me would be ashamed at my current perception of cool. Maybe I should buy some of those metallic tattoos or whatever all the cool kids are wearing these days. Oh who am I kidding? Elmo won’t notice my trendy ways anyhow.